Reviews

An easy afternoon's read, enjoyable and quirky, poking light-hearted fun at the "Harry Potter" series. If you're in the mood for a silly parody it'll be perfect, and even if you aren't it'll still be fun.
--Burning Void Reviews

A witty, absurd send-up with a charm all its own.  Frankel doesn't so much break the fourth wall as she obliterates it with Unforgivable Curses.  Looking for something to tide you over until Book 7?  This book is for you.  Hate the Potter craze and want Rowling to die a painful, horrible death?  This book is also for you.
--Seized by the Tale

Children of all ages (including adults) will enjoy this hilarious parody!
--The Best Reviews

Be prepared for off-the-wall pop culture references, slapstick comedy and gut-bustingly funny heroic statements. Valerie Estelle Frankel proves that parodies can be perfectly peachy
--Fallen Angel Reviews

An absolutely hilarious take on the Harry Potter stories: Frankel takes a stab at re-creating a similar story line but with a few wackier characters and events. A parody like no other I've ever seen in literature: you will chuckle and laugh until your belly hurts.Silly, senseless, and totally nuts, you cannot help but enjoy the ride.
--Reader Views

This parody doesn't simply send up Harry Potter.  It  doesn't just jokingly reference numerous fantasy and fairy tale tropes.   It doesn't merely assault the reader with dozens of bad puns.  It does all three.  And it's funny.  I haven't laughed out loud so much since reading Bored of the Rings
--Reader's Robot

The parody takes new spins on familiar themes from J. K. Rowling's popular series. Mail, for instance, is delivered not by owls but flying pigs. Students who attended the reading told the Spartan Daily they found it enjoyable.
--US News and World Report, October 26, 2006

Just when you thought it was safe to bury your Harry Potter paraphernalia, Valerie Frankel attacks from the rear with a laugh out loud, irreverent salute to our obsession with the robed pre-teen.Ms. Frankel is obviously a brilliant writer with a fantastic grasp of the Harry Potter story and its social layers.
--Wild Child Publishing

Excerpt

Introduction:
That Little Chapter Before the Prologue

Author’s Note: The characters in this story are trained professionals. They have a great deal of experience at flying on vacuum cleaners, creating hot dogs by magical means, or scheming to achieve eternal life and total world domination. Please, do not try these things at home.

Supplementary Note: Adults, don’t worry. This book is rated G and perfectly suitable for children of all ages. Children, don’t worry. If your parents try to sneak the book away so that they can read it themselves, you can always hide it under the floorboards of a haunted, abandoned mansion with rhinoceros guards in pink polka-dot bathing suits to prevent anyone from taking it. Or failing that, it’s small enough to go under your pillow.

Supplementary Supplement: This book has been translated from American English into British English. From there it was translated into English English, and then went through a brief stint in Swedish, just for a change of pace. After that, it was translated back into American English with possible lapses, and currently exists as the original draft that you hold in your hands.

Supplement to the Supplementary Supplement: This is a work of fiction. However, all characters are probably disturbingly similar to characters you’ve seen in other places. Try not to be alarmed. After all, even serious characters need a vacation.

PS: Let’s get on with the story already, shall we? 


Prologue:
That Little Chapter After the Introduction
but Before the Beginning of the Story

The world is full of miracles. When you buy a cinema hot dog and it’s actually flexible, that is a miracle. When you tell the telemarketer that you’re not interested, and he says, oh, okay, sorry to bother you, that’s a miracle. When you get a letter in the mailbox saying you may have won a new car, that’s just junk mail, we don’t care about that right now.

On the steps of number 23232323.32 Privy drive, Somewhere in England, (land of Shakespeare, British accents, and saying crisps when you mean chips) a baby left in an asparagus crate on a doorstep screamed and screamed. His survival was another such miracle, given how many people wanted him dead. Or at least severely hurt. The asparagus seller probably would have settled for getting his crate back, since all of his little asparaguses were currently rolling about helplessly on the floor. But the incredibly evil bad guy planning to take over the world definitely wanted him dead. It was in his job description.

And so, this miracle baby lay in his asparagus box, wailing at an unjust world that really didn’t care all that much. His speech, composed of such eloquent words as “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” meant, in baby talk, “What do you mean I have to wait ten years before I’m the star of this book? I’m here, the readers are reading! I want fame, I want fortune, I want to see my lawyer, I want my own brand of breakfast cereal, I want…”

Fortunately for everyone concerned, ten years flew by in the space of a few lines, as the book propelled forwards to chapter one. Since he was the hero of the novel, the author couldn’t drop an anvil on the whiny brat, much as she wanted to.